I like to have a plan. Anyone else?
I like to know all the details about where I’m heading and how I’ll get there. I’ve realized, however, that walking with Jesus requires a lot of unknowns, and that my preferred process often isn’t His plan.
As an intern, I helped prepare for weekend and midweek services, including planning meetings, organizing our team, and supporting our performance by singing and playing guitar and piano. I also had opportunities to help with various services and activities for student ministries, and global and school partners. Initially, however, I was completely unsure of what I was stepping into. Every intern’s schedule is different depending on the demands and needs of the position, and many days I woke up not knowing what the day would hold. This definitely stretched my comfort zone.
Change, however, is the perfect opportunity to hold fast to the things you do know: in transition, I clung to God like never before. I discovered so much more of His character. Day after day, I found I was constantly discovering more about who God is by turning to His constant love amidst the changes and unknowns.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. -Joshua 1:9
This verse has truly become a theme for me. Although anxiety has been a lifelong struggle for me, I’ve seen God guide me, and this year was a huge leap in trusting Him with fears I didn’t even realize that I had lived in for so long. I feared disappointment: that He wouldn’t provide, that I wasn’t enough, that He didn’t want to use me for His good work. Throughout this process, He revealed so much beneath the surface and showed me hidden parts of myself. He prepared my heart in new ways for open doors I never would have predicted. It was somewhat of a rough realization, but I discovered that our God is a God who cares far more about our journey than our destination; far more about the unseen parts of us than the parts everyone sees. He met me in my fears and is still continuing to meet me in my fears. He’s constantly reminding me that He has my best in mind, that He is fighting both for my heart and on my behalf. He’s given me a new confidence, not just in myself, but more so in His faithfulness.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I know who I’m walking toward. I’m currently wrestling with what my immediate future holds, but I know that God tells us we need not worry about tomorrow. Although He’s allowed me to see some details and has definitely planted dreams in me, I continue to have to walk in faith. I may not have the full blueprint in front of me, but that’s because I’m not the one holding the pencil or creating this picture. I have all sorts of questions still, but they’re new ones because He’s answered others and wants to take me deeper.
Because we’re all constantly in the unknown, whatever process you may be in, may this be an encouragement: that God sees you in every decision you make, that He is worthy of trust, and promises to walk beside you with every step.
To learn more about Kensington’s 10-month internship program that educates, equips, and empowers young people and career-changers, please visit kensingtonchurch.org/interns.
Maggie Youngs – Kensington Worship Arts Intern