Do soulmates exist?

Patrick Holden

Patrick Holden

Traverse City Lead Pastor

Instant attraction. The first time I met my wife definitely felt like that.  I was a freshman in college during finals week. Truthfully, I wasn’t at the library to study. I was there following my mom’s advice which was, “If you can find a beautiful girl in the library, it’s a win. She’s smart and beautiful.” Dating wasn’t happening much for me my freshman year, so why not right? Ok, you can come up with a dozen reasons why not to take your mom’s dating advice, but it worked. In walks Emily and there goes my heart. Instant attraction. It felt like Cupid had that Legolas game from the second Lord of the Rings. We dated for a long time and ended up getting married and this past year had a little boy.

We’re happy. She’s amazing. The greatest joy of my life. Our son is hilarious (takes after his mom) and I love him so much. Sometimes people look at me and ask about whether or not we’re soulmates. My answer? Honestly, the soulmate thing isn’t why this “love story” happened.

Often times, it seems like every chick-flick that I see begins with an idea or a premise that everyone has a soulmate out there somewhere. The story often has a person who stumbles their way through relationship after relationship searching for “Prince Charming” or whatever the equivalent for that is for a guy.

The basic premise is usually this: there is a person who is right for me and once I find that person my life will be as it should be.

I think most people fall into 2 camps:

1) Searching for the right person
2) Becoming the right person

From experience, I can tell you this. The pursuit of becoming the right person is way more valuable than trying to find the right person. When I met my wife in that library, one of the beautiful things about her was how obvious it was that she had done and was continuing to do the difficult work of becoming someone. She wasn’t caught up in a massive search to find “the right guy.” She was determined to be someone…to become the right person. Our first several conversations highlighted so much of who she was because she knew who she was.

That was a priority of mine as well. Somewhere along the way a mentor had told me how important it was to focus on building character and developing integrity. People had told me to follow my curiosities and figure out what I loved. I had been thinking about what I would hope to have in a marriage one day and wasn’t willing to compromise. Why?

I decided to develop qualities that I hoped to one day have in a spouse and made the assumption that she was doing the same.

Andy Stanley has a great clarifying question for this. He frames it by asking, “Are you the person you’re looking for is looking for?” That’s very different from pursuing a soulmate and working so hard to find the right person. Part of that focus turns inward.

Who are you becoming?

To answer that question, I think there are 3 exercises that you can begin right now to help set you up to answer Andy’s question well.  I’ve done all three and they have completely changed my life.  In fact, Emily and I both still revisit these both personally and as a couple.

DEVELOP YOUR PERSONAL CORE VALUES

Stephen Covey talks about this in his book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” Begin with the end in mind, and ask yourself, “What do you hope people say about you at your funeral?” Morbid. I know. It’s so clarifying though.

I spent a lot of time developing 8 core values to guide my heart and my life.  These were personal benchmarks for me. As we progressed in our relationship, I actually shared those with Emily as well.

DEVELOP A VISION FOR MARRIAGE

Before Emily and I started dating, I knew what I wanted a dating relationship to feel like and ultimately, what I wanted a marriage to feel like.  She had a similar list and we approached the relationship that way from the beginning.  This didn’t involve catchy phrases or author-level cadence. It was raw, but it was honest and we held each other to it.

I’ll give you an example. I knew I didn’t want tension to linger in the relationship. We came from different parenting styles, but we knew that we needed an approach that allowed us to work through things in a healthy way. We decided in our relationship we’d work through the emotional angst even if we weren’t able to come to an agreement on what needed to change. We did that while we dated and we still do that in our marriage.  That is non-negotiable for us.

For those of you who are single and looking for the right person, make sure to look inward first. If your focus is on becoming the right person, then I think you’ll discover a much more fulfilled relationship one day. Also, I have seen over and over again how when you focus on becoming the right person, the person you’re looking for becomes more clear.

Even in a world that perpetuates the idea of looking versus becoming…be different. Become the person you’re looking for is looking for.

– Patrick Holden | Kensington Traverse City, Lead Pastor

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Birmingham Campus

We are offering a time for our congregation to gather after the 10am service for prayer in the Groves Auditorium, 20500 W 13 Mile Rd, Beverly Hills, MI 48025.

On Sunday evening, Dec 5, parents of high school and middle school students are invited to the second half of our Edge gathering at Genesis Church, 309 N Main St, Royal Oak, MI 48067, at 6:15pm. We will have a breakout to equip parents in caring for themselves and processing pain with their children in times of tragedy.

Parents & Student Resources

Parents – self care is critical. It’s important to do your own processing with another adult so that you can be more present as your child processes. Here are tools that you can use to get you started.

Podcast

Helpful Blogs

Other Materials

Counselors Are Needed After Tragedy

“The aftermath of the Oxford shooting tragedy will undoubtedly result in traumatic symptoms and experiences across our communities for quite some time. Healing the brain through evidence-based therapies is absolutely possible with clinical guidance. There is a valuable village of Trauma Therapists with collective resources standing by for Oxford, for both direct and secondary survivors to engage in therapy. Until then, we honorably hold a sacred space, as students, families, staff and school partners continue to mourn.” -Laura Azoni, LMSW, Founder of Sanctuary Services

Orion Campus

We believe that unity at this time is more important than ever. Several churches in the area are partnering together to offer space for students to begin the process of healing.

We will have several grief and trauma specialists on site this Sunday evening at our Orion Campus (4640 S Lapeer Rd Lake Orion, MI 48359) from 5-6:30pm and will have a night of prayer, worship and an opportunity for students to process with each other.

Tate Myre Funeral:
Monday, 12.6 Visitation 1 to 8pm
Tuesday, 12.7 Visitation 10-12pm and funeral at Noon

Clinton Township Campus

We will be offering a time for our congregation to gather after each service for a time of corporate prayer in the Greatroom. Prayer will be offered at 10:15 am and 12:15 pm. (25000 Hall Rd, Charter Twp of Clinton, MI 48036)

This Sunday at 3:30 pm as a community we want to gather, pray and mourn together. We are all looking for answers and wondering why tragedy happens but we can find hope and peace in Jesus. 

Troy Campus

Join us Sunday night, December 5th for a Community Prayer Vigil at Kensington Church at 6:00 pm. Invite friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers to come together for a time of hope and prayer. 

Following the Vigil, at 7:00 pm, there will be breakouts for students and for parents to process and be equipped in caring for themselves and those around in times of tragedy.

Marriage Classes

What grows marriages? Focusing on the two of you and being in community!
The Marriage Course includes seven sessions, designed to help couples invest in their relationship and build a strong marriage. Some couples do the course to intentionally invest in their relationship, others are looking to address more specific challenges. Either way, the course offers essential tools and practical ideas to help you build a relationship that lasts a lifetime. The Marriage Course is based on Christian principles but designed for all couples with or without a church background.

Please email marriage@kensingtonchurch.org with any questions.

Financial Peace University (FPU)

Financial Peace University (FPU) is a catalyst to help people live in financial freedom and enable them to have a posture of openhandedness. We have witnessed numerous Kensington families experience life change as a result of applying Biblical truths to their personal finances. The real blessing is seeing people create lives of margin that allow them to hear and respond to the Lord’s calling on their lives.

Please email discipleship@kensingtonchurch.org with any questions.

Bible Basics

Whether you are brand new to the Bible or have been reading it for decades, Bible Basics is a course that will help you understand the overall flow of the Bible. Over the course of several weeks, learn how the Bible came from the original writers to the English versions we have today. We’ll look at the big-picture story of the Bible and how all the individual books add to the whole. We’ll even learn a little about the history of the Jewish nation. But most of all, we’ll grow in our awe of the amazing author of this amazing book!

Please email discipleship@kensingtonchurch.org with any questions.

All Campus

Orion

Clinton Township

Alpha

What is my purpose? What value does the Bible have in my life? How do I pray? How can I grow in confidence to share my faith? These are the big questions that are at the heart of what it means to have a relationship with God. Alpha is a space to explore life’s big questions, to say what you think and to hear other people’s points of view. Over ten-weeks you will explore and discover while listening to weekly topics, participating in table discussion, and developing community. Alpha courses meeting in-person gather around a meal.

You don’t have to come for the whole series—just check it out for the first session and see what you think. No pressure.

Please email discipleship@kensingtonchurch.org with any questions.

All Campus

Orion

Troy

Clinton Township

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For additional questions, please contact giving@kensingtonchurch.org or call 248.786.0637

GROUP LEADER DEVELOPMENT

Together Again

updated June 23, 2021

It’s been life-giving to be in-person for our weekend services since last July when we reopened. If you haven’t yet, we invite you to join us in person sometime soon.

Reservations and ticketing have been discontinued at all our campuses.

Masks are optional at all services, events, and ministry gatherings for kids, students, and adults. We know that everyone needs to make the right health decisions for themselves and their family, so if you feel comfortable removing your mask, you may. And if you’d like to continue wearing a mask or face covering, you may do that as well. This is a personal choice that only you can decide what is best for yourself when attending in person at Kensington.

If you are sick, are experiencing COVID-19 symptoms, or have possibly been exposed to COVID-19, please plan to stay home and participate in our services via our many online streaming options.

At the start of the pandemic, Kensington’s Executive Team commissioned a group of staff members as a COVID Task Force to establish protocols and procedures for the safety of our church community. Thanks for sticking with us throughout all the changes and adjustments over the past 15 months.

We’re grateful to be together again!