Bring Jesus Your Pain

Dan and I know each other from the neighborhood, and over the past few years we’ve become great friends. He’s a successful young businessman, just getting into the most productive years of his career. But I most appreciate his positive energy and optimistic outlook as I navigate the ebbs and flows of my own life. When I’m in a moment of anxiety or melancholy, I can count on Dan’s encouraging smile to help pull me out of my funk.

This guy has it together: financial success, beautiful family and is a genuinely good person.

And then, out of the blue, I got a text message from him.

Hey Chris – we just wanted to let you know that I’m going through a lot of personal issues right now, but am getting professional help and thank heaven I have my wife’s full support. Starting Tuesday, I’m going to be out of state for several weeks getting professional help. Would really appreciate if you could look out for my wife and family while I’m away. Thanks!!!!!!

I was thunderstruck – but shouldn’t have been. After eighteen years in vocational ministry focusing on pastoral and healing initiatives, I have learned that no one is exempt from the pain of life and the collateral damage that can result.

While I had great sadness for the pain that brought Dan to that moment of honesty, I knew that his journey going forward could be the very best years of his life.

In fact, I’ve come to believe that a deeper, more vibrant life with God is very often in the direction of our deepest pain.

That’s a countercultural assertion – especially for those of us (myself included) in a lifelong habit of avoiding pain. Whole industries have been built on the promise of a pain-free life for those who buy their drug or subscribe to their philosophy. And if we’re honest, the church of the past and present has often made the same empty assertions with little insight on how to actually get there.

But Jesus offers us another way, a little more aligned with the reality of the world we find ourselves in:

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

What is the trouble Jesus warns us about and how does he help us overcome it? A simple illustration by counselor and author Larry Crabb lays it out:

God has woven into all of us DEEP LONGINGS that are simply a part of who we are. We have a desire for relationship and influence. We want a sense of security and belonging and to know that we are making an impact on the world that will ultimately outlive us. All of those impulses are God-given and completely legitimate.

And just like an iceberg, some of those longings are “above the waterline” that everyone can see. Some are just below the waterline, clear only to us and our intimate community; but the vast proportion is deep underneath and affects us in ways we don’t always understand.

Those longings are intended to draw us closer to God – and our lives are better when we trust that beckoning and move toward Him.

God is at the center of and is the answer to every desire and need we have ever experienced. God can be the __________ for us.

When He called Himself the I AM in the ancient stories of the Old Testament and beyond, He asserted to all humanity that He is the ultimate answer to every question and soul-ache that we have.

We have a fallen nature which draws us into a posture of distrust in God; and instead of leaning into knowing Him deeper, we rely on WRONG STRATEGIES to make life “work for us” apart from God.

Some wrong strategies are easily seen

• The “white lie” about our accomplishments
• The extra scoop of ice cream
• Sharp words of frustration to our children
• Gambling, alcohol addictions

But other strategies stem from lies so enmeshed in us we just don’t see them. They are the hidden things like a “people pleasing” impulse driven by a broken relationship or the inability to be vulnerable due to a deep hurt from the past.

This internal cycle of using wrong strategies to fulfill the deep longings that are satisfied only by God harkens to the laments of the prophet Jeremiah:

…my people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols. Be appalled at this, you heavens, and shudder with great horror,” declares the Lord. “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. – Jeremiah 2:11b-13

And the internal war is further complicated by the external struggles that life brings us, such as a divorce, a job loss or the loss of a loved one. Internal or external – God uses it all to invite us into seasons of healing.

What if the pain and even desolation that we experience is something God is using to call us closer to Himself? In the insightful words of C. S. Lewis:

Pain insists on being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.

So, what do we do about the pain?

I think we start by asking ourselves a brave question about our wrong strategies: “What am I wanting this food, or relationship, or drink, or screen time to do for me?” 

If we can ask that question and have the courage to start digging for an answer, we’re on our way.

It’s not an easy road. The uncomfortable reality is that we can’t escape from an unhealthy cycle by direct effort or will power.

Healing from pain – especially with God’s help – requires a COMMUNITY and a PROCESS; and that’s where Kensington’s Care Initiatives can help.

We hope to normalize the idea that in every spiritual walk, there will be seasons of intentional and focused healing.

We have many different environments for people to heal from the pain of life and be equipped for the adventure God uniquely calls each person into.

Our Care Initiatives have three values:

• SAFE – We know the work of healing can be messy and confidentiality is key. Here, it’s safe to be honest.
• INCLUSIVE – You don’t have to have anything “figured out” before you show up. Bring all of your questions, your concerns and an open heart. We often say that the only requirement for joining us is a desire for change.
• DISTRACTION-FREE – When you have hard internal work to do, we don’t want anything to stand in the way or become an excuse. We are committed to removing barriers so that you can pursue the healing God wants for you.

Kensington has a community of volunteers – “wounded healers” – who have experienced victory in many domains of life and are committed to helping you experience the same. So on behalf of all of us in Kensington’s Care Initiatives, I want to challenge you to pray a dangerous but life-giving prayer:

God, what are you trying to tell me about my pain – and what do you want me to do about it?

Learn more about the ways that Kensington can help you in this important journey toward healing at kensingtonchurch.org/care.

My friend Dan faced his pain, and his life is better for the effort. I recently re-connected with him when he returned home. It was good to see that optimistic smile again; I also see a lightness and serenity in him that comes from people who have “drilled deep into the iceberg” and experienced God’s healing as a result. He knows he has more work to do, but he has the tools, the community, and the energy to continue the adventure.

Dan and so many others have found that life at its best (on this side of heaven, at least) is when we gather a community of encouragers and LEAN IN to the adversity with a student’s heart – abandoned to the possibility that a deeper love for God, for life and for humanity is on the other side.