Why This, Why That, Why Pain?
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When my oldest daughter was three, like many preschoolers, she was the Queen of Questions. After she learned to drive her hot pink Barbie jeep in our driveway, and occasionally through my flower beds, she wondered “Why can’t I drive your car?”
As she tried on her new holiday pajamas from Grandma and Grandpa, she stomped her fuzzy footies and grumbled, “Why aren’t there any pockets?”
After I dragged her inside to take a bath at the end of a dusty, Texan summer day, she protested “Why do I have to be clean?” Early in December when she began to set up our new children’s nativity set, she asked, “Why is evy-one wearin’ their jammies?”
By asking ‘why?’ up to an astounding 107 times per hour, these little humans hope to find answers to their questions that will make them feel safe and secure in the world (Chouinard, M. M., Harris, P. L., & Maratsos, M. P. (2007)).
As adults, we no longer ask ‘why?’ hundreds of time a day, but when cause and effect don’t make sense, we seek answers…to bring relief from the discomfort of uncertainty.
An acceptable answer literally activates a reward circuit in our brain, and we physically feel slightly calmer; the relief of perceptual curiosity (Jepma Marieke, Verdonschot Rinus, van Steenbergen Henk, Rombouts Serge, Nieuwenhuis Sander, (2012)).
So, what happens when there isn’t a satisfying answer to our ‘why’? The ache of long-term, unresolved mental and emotional conflict develops into pain, and we feel unsafe and insecure.
Pain is part of the human experience, but we never become comfortable with it.
When pain is unrelenting, we may go to great risk to escape it. Abusing substances, emotional eating, avoiding responsibility, overworking, gambling, withdrawing through excessive screen time, oversleeping, unhealthy relationships, worry, harboring unforgiveness, blaming others, blaming God. We look for a scapegoat because unresolved, important questions bring us pain.
People searched for ways out of their personal pain in the first century too. When Jesus and his disciples were approaching a synagogue in Jerusalem, they encountered a man who had been born blind. In an effort to alleviate their own discomfort with the unanswered “why?”, the disciples and the Pharisees began to publicly discuss the potential causes for the man’s blindness.
“As He went along, He saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’” – John 9:1-3
As the blind man’s personal trauma was debated in front of him, Jesus stepped in to shield him from further shame. Jesus quickly understood that they were really looking for a resolution from their own internal distress. They wanted it to make sense. They wanted to “other” him and bring distance between the blind man and themselves. They wanted to figure out the cause, the pattern, the reason, because not knowing is painful. It makes us feel vulnerable in this world.
“’Neither this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.’” – John 9:1-3
In an act of tremendous faith, the blind man surrendered the pain of his life-long unanswered ‘why?’ to Jesus, and he was healed!
The man answered and said to them, ‘Well, here is an amazing thing, that you do not know where He is from, and yet He opened my eyes. We know that God does not hear sinners; but if anyone is God-fearing and does His will, He hears him. Since the beginning of time it has never been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a person born blind. If this man were not from God, He could do nothing.’” – John 9:30-33
We can spend a lifetime chasing closure for unjust circumstances, traumas, and the evil we have endured. The answers aren’t often discernible. We don’t know why God chose to display his work through blindness. We don’t know why we experience heartbreak. Yet, we can see how Jesus interacted with the blind man: Jesus came near to him, Jesus dismissed the judgement of others, Jesus healed him.
When we surrender our pursuit of answers to life’s most difficult “whys?” and yield to Him, knowing He is near, we can move our focus from the pain to Jesus Christ – the source of life, healing, and wholeness.
Consider:
- What is the “why?” you have been asking God?
- Do you need help to deal with your pain or to pursue healing?
- What is preventing you from surrendering your pain to Jesus?
Next Steps:
- Call a Campus Care Provider to talk through resources and your needs
metro Detroit 248.786.0600
Traverse City 231.922.9882
- Join Celebrate Recovery – support for the hurts, habits, and hang-ups of life
- Request Pastoral Care – a listening ear and biblical guidance
All these and more at kensingtonchurch.org/care-help