In general, many people question the existence of God or His goodness in light of the pain and suffering in our world.
And how about personally? How can we believe God is good in the midst of our own suffering?
We’ve heard that God is for us, that He gives abundant life, and that He seems to be bringing others joy (at least on social media…#blessed??). And yet, when we hear devastating news, when our hearts are broken, when our future holds little hope, we wonder, “Is God good to me?”
Andrew Kim, Lead Pastor at our Troy campus, shares the passing of his father as the most painful and impactful moment of his life. Not only was he plunged into deep grief and loneliness as a young child, but there were ongoing struggles for his mother and older sister.
“After my parents emigrated from South Korea to Canada, we were very poor while my father went to school to get his PhD. Finally, he landed an incredible job and everything seemed hopeful, but then he was diagnosed with cancer and died a year later. My mom was left as a single, immigrant mother with two young children and no family or community.”
Where was God?
Andrew recounts years of loneliness, bullying, depression and suicidal thoughts. “If only his father were there” was a frequent refrain in his mind.
As a young adult in ministry, Andrew learned a different perspective which further complicated his view of God: Instead of orchestrating this specific loss, maybe God had permitted it.
For Andrew, this was disillusioning…He imagined God standing, watching, hands behind his back.
Choosing to do nothing.
Yes, things were changing for me – and quickly.
Whether God planned this loss or allowed it, He was sovereign over it.
Andrew fought back tears in the classroom, “I was trying not to cry while the professor spoke. I wondered, ‘God, who are you?’ I felt like He was a stranger to me.”
For Andrew, this was the beginning of years of study on this topic, “I read every book, wrote papers, and turned conversation to this topic of God’s sovereignty in suffering.”
“Why did you let my father die?”
He wanted an answer.
He didn’t get it.
“I didn’t get an answer in the way I wanted or expected. I leaned into the pain, seeking God, but I still don’t know why He allowed my father to die.
What I do know is that He was with me in the pain.
The bottom line is: God showed up for me personally. I felt His presence with me. I felt Him mourning with me. I felt Him speaking right through the pain:
“I love you.”
“I am with you.”
The God of the universe loves you.
God sees every tear we shed:
And what about Jesus?
He is our suffering Savior. He experienced life on this broken earth.
Maybe you wonder if God is really good?
Maybe you wonder if God is really sovereign and powerful over your circumstances?
Our head questions are often answered with the heart.
“After years of study and pursuit, I came to a place where I said, ‘I may not have the answer, but I have you…and that’s enough’,” shares Andrew.
For those of you who are suffering, God’s message to you is the same:
I love you.
I am with you.
We brought Andrew Kim to the studio to further converse on this topic for our podcast, In The Weeds. Listen in on the conversation here or at kensingtonchurch.org/listen