Sharp Words

Do you remember the old-timey adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”? I literally said that to the mean girl in first grade but it didn’t really help.

Words can cut and the sharpest ones are hard to forget.

This Bible verse is the truth of it:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” – Proverbs 12:18

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I wound with my words.

I do a better job of reminding my daughter about this than myself, “Build your friends up,” I remind her, “Don’t tear them down.”

I try not to be careless with my words – as a writer, I highly value them. Beautifully constructed sentences thrill me. I believe communication and language are incredible – marks of our Creator, made in His likeness.

Here’s where I get tripped up (i.e. sin): I want to correct everyone and everything. Maybe I want to speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15), or maybe I just want to speak the truth – as I see it – without the love part.

Sometimes God calls us to boldness and correction, but other times it’s self-appointed and “telling it like it really is” won’t bring about the desired results of clarity, conviction, reconciliation, and ultimately compel others to move toward us and toward Jesus.

Here’s the verse that I need to tattoo somewhere:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. -Ephesians 4:29-30

What do you think of when you see the word corrupting here? I initially thought, “dishonesty, infection, contamination, rotten, spoiled, or worldly.”

But somewhere I read that in Latin it means “to break togetherness.”

According to this verse, I am specifically called to use my mouth – my gift of communication with words – for unity and to give grace to the hearer.

Not to point out what the person is really like.


Not to point out what I am really like.


Not to point out what the situation is really like.


But to point out what the nature of God is really like: the Giver of Grace.

Grace: n. unmerited favor.

Unmerited means undeserved. It’s not something to be earned. It means that I intentionally give favor to the person before me, regardless.

I’m not saying that we don’t correct – we know that parenting and friendship include hard conversations – but sharp words likely won’t prune the behavior longterm and will do nothing to uproot the wrong belief causing the behavior in the first place. Remember the beautiful moment in Les Misérables, when the Bishop gives the thief Jean Valjean two silver candlesticks after Valjean has robbed him of his silver and been caught?

The Bishop’s grace is a catalyst of change in Jean Valjean’s life.

Instead of clipping away at the wrong behavior which is above the surface and visible, his words uproot a belief hidden deep within Jean Valjean’s heart. This act of grace reminds the thief of his worth. And only when he realizes his worth, can the behavior be addressed.

A “tongue-lashing” may feel natural but this small, powerful organ has supernatural potential.

In the book of James, we read this about the tongue (i.e. our words):

With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.” – James 3:9

I am very sobered by this verse – not guilt, but conviction.

Imagine using words to give grace, undeserved!
Imagine using words to remind people of their worth instead of their behavior!
Imagine using words to bless instead of curse!

Author Jackie Hill Perry says this in her book, Upon Waking:

Children of the living God, behold Jesus. In Him we see what it looks like to use our words in a way that shows God as glorious and honors the glory in the image bearers He has made.