Just Keep Talking (To God)

As a young adult just out of college, I found myself reflecting much on life and faith.

There were so many craters in my once perfect plan.

While thinking about trauma in my life, I wondered how my God could allow such suffering and still be good?

I wondered if I was worthy of my future career?

Looking at my unemployment 6 months post grad, I wondered why God was no longer faithful?

I wondered if a gap year was a good idea?

I questioned why isolation seemed to be key in becoming closer to God?

My heart began to harden toward the Lord as I questioned every aspect of His character. On the brink of what felt like losing my faith, I remembered something a mentor once said to me, “Callie, you cannot take 2019 scriptures into 2020 battles” – emphasizing the importance of staying in the word and continuing to get to know God as I go through life.

Over the course of a year, I started talking to God as someone who cares about me rather than a distant being ready to inflict His worst punishment upon me.

I told Him how angry I was with Him.

I was angry my plans had fallen through.

I was angry I had to depend on Him, and I was angry He required all of the control over my life.

“I don’t know how people enjoy this,” I told Him. “I don’t know how people enjoy running their life plans by you and heeding any disapproval you speak out.”

But I just kept talking. Every day. In my car. At work. In my prayer closet. At the gym.

I continued to pour out my heart to the Lord.

And God showed up. Every time. Sometimes with instructions, sometimes simply in presence.

Looking back, I see God sharpening my communication skills with others and with Him.

Looking back, I see the Lord sharpening my work ethic in new ways and showing me how to set boundaries to balance work and life. God was teaching me how to think through hard scenarios and advocate for myself tactfully. God was showing me how to prioritize a relationship with Him over the routine of religion. God was refreshing old knowledge to prepare me for my present blessings.

As my mentor once said “God was preparing me so my character could keep me where my talent would take me.”

No matter how you feel about God, yourself, or your relationship to God, just keep talking to Him, my friend. He hears you.

Navigating these post grad years, I have been learning a lot about myself and my faith. Things I have learned so far:

My Faith:

• God’s people have always been a waiting people.
• Suffering is a series regular in the Christian journey.
• Like a spouse, I would never expect to spend forever with someone I never talk to. Leading me to wonder if I talk to God like a friend, or like a worker on a crisis hotline, easily forgotten when life is good.
• It is okay if I have uncomfortable questions about God. It is okay if I am upset some of my questions may not be answered on this side of heaven or ever. No emotion or question is surprising, scary, or too big for my creator.

Personal Reflection:

1. When was the last time your view of God (His capabilities, His goodness, His desire for your life, His desire for Christians as a whole, etc.) was expanded? 
2. Was this a positive or negative experience? 
3. What are you impatient about in the presence of the Lord? What big questions do you have?
4. What part of you is tied to what you are waiting for? (Self-worth, provision, peace, your purpose, etc.)
5. How do you talk to God? What is the tone of your voice, your state of mind, your location?

Scripture Challenge:

Find three examples in the Bible of God’s people being a waiting people (include at least one in the New Testament).