Are all Christians judgemental?

Mark Nelson

Mark Nelson

Co-Founder & Clarkston Campus Lead Pastor

As an 8-year-old, I asked my mom, “Where does Auntie El go to church?”  We all loved Auntie El, who is my mom’s oldest sister. She and Uncle George ran a dairy farm in a small town.  She was a lot like my mom, full of life, a no-nonsense hard worker, and had the best laugh ever!

“Auntie El doesn’t go to church,” mom said. When I asked why, she said that the one time she went, instead of being welcomed with kindness, some of the women at the church made fun of her for the way she was dressed and gossiped about her.  That day she made a vow that, since the church was just “a bunch of “judgmental hypocrites,” she would never attend another church service again!”

And as far as I know, she kept her vow. As far as Auntie El was concerned, all Christians were hypocrites, and she wasn’t going to have anything to do with them. Aunt El’s experience had a strong impact on me as a kid, and still does to this day. I couldn’t understand it. My family went to church. Did Auntie El think that of us? Was I a hypocrite? I remember feeling angry with the women who had treated my Aunt so poorly. And then I remember feeling sad that Auntie El was turned off to God by church people.

Apparently, Auntie El is not alone. In David Kinnaman’s book titled “UnChristian,” his very first sentence states: “Christianity has an image problem.” His research shows that 87% of 16-29-year-olds in 2007 believed that Christians are judgmental, and 85% said Christians are hypocritical. The perception that “Christians say one thing but live something entirely different” is huge!

It’s a sobering indictment. How did we as followers of Jesus earn this reputation, and is there something we can we do to avoid contributing to it?  I think there are a few things we can consider that may help.

Why do we judge?

One reason we are prone to judge is that we, as human beings, tend to see our world in a dualistic construct. Things are black or white. If I have an opinion, another opinion is automatically seen as opposite and opposing.  We are compelled to choose sides. There must be a right and a wrong.  Interestingly enough, more often than not this just isn’t true. The beauty of our world is usually found in a both/and, not an either/or.

Personality profile tools like Meyers/Briggs have really helped us realize this.  One personality makeup is not better than another. It’s a both/and thing.  Extroverts and introverts are both right. Intuitive personality types and concrete thinkers are operating in completely different processes that are not only appropriate but bring a diversity that leads to better decision making in the end.

It’s wonderful that God doesn’t exist in dualistic reality. From before the beginning, God has existed as three, not two. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  The Greek word that defines this relationship is “perichoresis.” It connotes a “divine dance” of three unique persons in a constant movement in and around each other in mutual submission and perfect unity.

When we judge we say it’s my way or the highway. I’m right. You’re wrong.  There is not an opportunity of a dance of unity within diversity.

A second reason we can be prone to judging is that we are desperate for significance and value. If we are not secure in our identity as a fully loved and valued person, we often will condemn another to make ourselves look better. I take you down so I can move up. How could we do this to someone? It starts out more subtly than you might think.

There are two different types of judging. There is a judging that is a discernment of what is good and right and what is wrong or evil. This is not the judging that Jesus challenges us not to be a part of when he said, “Do not judge or you will be judged”. This is using wisdom and is important for all of us to practice regularly. The problem occurs when we move from discernment to condemnation. From perceiving some “thing” is wrong (an action, decision or policy) to declaring some “person” at their core is wrong (not valuable, less than me, disgusting, stupid). I’m still tempted to judge, but being aware of these two pitfalls have helped me do it less.

God has given us another amazing weapon to fight this heart flaw. It’s always available to us. You don’t have to be a genius to use it. It’s two simple words: be real. There is nothing more powerful in preventing us from judging than being honest about our own lives, shortcomings, and struggles.  Sharing our weakness is the act of placing ourselves below the other.  Instead of devaluing and condemning, we raise the other to a place of significance even when we disagree. Especially when we disagree.

The word “hypocrite” came from a Greek word that meant “an actor.” When we judge, we are “acting” like we are better than another.  We are not being “real.” I think that’s why Jesus said:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3

– Mark Nelson I Kensington Clarkston, Lead Pastor

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Titus 1

Paul, a servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ to further the faith of God’s elect and their knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness– 2 in the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time, 3 and which now at his appointed season he has brought to light through the preaching entrusted to me by the command of God our Savior, 4 To Titus, my true son in our common faith: Grace and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior. 5 The reason I left you in Crete was that you might put in order what was left unfinished and appoint elders in every town, as I directed you. 6 An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7 Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless– not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8 Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9 He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. 10 For there are many rebellious people, full of meaningless talk and deception, especially those of the circumcision group. 11 They must be silenced, because they are disrupting whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach– and that for the sake of dishonest gain.

Other Helpful Passages:
Ephesians 4
1 Corinthians 12-13
1 Peter 5
2 Timothy 2:2

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Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7 He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap. 8 In the same way, deacons are to be worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. 9 They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. 10 They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons. 11 In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. 12 A deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well. 13 Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus. 14 Although I hope to come to you soon, I am writing you these instructions so that, 15 if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God’s household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth. 16 Beyond all question, the mystery from which true godliness springs is great: He appeared in the flesh, was vindicated by the Spirit, was seen by angels, was preached among the nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up in glory.

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