A Digital Detox

Me? A digital detox? I have to be honest…
I loved technology as a kid. In 2006, I was following blog posts about the new iPhone that would change everything, and was counting down the days (or years) till I could get it. I knew this new device would integrate my favorite things, but I had no idea that it would change the way I – and people everywhere – lived.

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• A Digital Detox – Audio
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Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, wrote mind-blowing and  scientifically-backed thoughts in his book. Here are three of my takeaways that I want you to consider and let sink in:

“Overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world—are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.”
“Experience, not information, is the key to emotional development.”
“This is the great irony of social media: the more you immerse yourself in it, the more lonely and depressed you become.”

These statements cause me to think even more deeply about how my kids – and myself are being affected on a day-to-day basis. I have to be honest: my own struggle is real.

There was a defining moment in my life around technology. One of my daughters, around 5 years old, drew a picture of our family. She was proud to show me. There she was, with sister, mom, and me.

Everyone had unique features except me: she drew me AS a cell phone.
UGH… 

As I think about her little smiling, innocent face, I am still moved to tears. My digitally-distracted and physically-disconnected habits had shaped my daughter’s view of me. That was the beginning of a change.

I wish I could say digital consumption has been not an issue since then, that the temptations of doomscrolling don’t exist in me. However, the hold that the digital world has on me, on us as a culture, is ever-present. 

We have set up rules, boundaries, and limitations and yet the pull toward more always exists. This has made me wrestle with the “why?”.

We crave intimacy, and yet settle for “golden cows.”
We seek belonging, and yet trade it for a digital shadow of the real thing.
We seek adventures and a full life, and yet stay home, numb, and tethered to screens.
We seek meaning and presence, and yet trade it for distraction and isolation.
We have settled for substitutes of the real thing, the human thing. 

I wonder how Moses felt when he returned from meeting with God on Mount Sinai, and found the impatient and wayward Israelites worshiping a golden calf. They traded worshiping God for worshiping an idol made by human hands. I wonder how God felt in that moment…

I think that we often allow the justifications to flow when our decisions are revealed as misguided. The Israelites were the same.

So, how do we take back some of the ground we have lost?
I have been trying, inch by inch.

THE FAST: No Tech For 7 Days

I recently went on a 7-day intensive and therapy experience retreat. (I’ve got issues like everyone else.) One of the requirements was no technology for 7 days. 

I was excited and nervous: MSU was in the NCAA tournament. Our kids had many things going on. I wanted to check in with my wife about things that were important to both of us. And yet, for healing to happen, the group shared that a digital detox is necessary for the work required and full presence of mind.

They weren’t just accurate, they were prophetic.
After 7 days of no technology, I didn’t miss it.

No notifications. No reaching for my phone because I felt a fake buzz in my pocket. No more distractions or interruptions.

Life slowed down and I loved it. And I realized how much of my world was impacted by digital devices

I experienced a reality check that Jonathan Haidt mentioned, “The phone-based life makes it difficult for people to be fully present with others when they are with others, and to sit silently with themselves when they are alone.”

I don’t want a phone-based life. I want a life where I am present with the people around me and in the places I enter. I want a life present to God’s voice and invitation. I want a life that is flourishing.

When they handed me back my phone and laptop, they felt heavier than I remembered.

MAKING IT SPIRITUAL (BECAUSE EVERYTHING ACTUALLY IS)

In his book, The Digital Fast: 40 Days to Detox Your Mind and Reclaim What Matters Most, Darren Whitehead wrote this modern-day insight about John 10:10:

“Jesus also gave us a glimpse into the enemy’s playbook. He said the enemy has three aims: to steal, kill, and destroy. The enemy’s goal is death and total destruction by whatever means possible. In the case of technology and our devices, he uses them to:
Steal – time and attention; missing out on significant moments and relationships in life; inability to focus; restlessness; insomnia and decreased sleep
Kill – rise in anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, narcissism, and suicide
Destroy – the flourishing life (e.g., necessary social skills for nurturing relationships and healthy coping mechanisms for relieving stress and anxiety); tarnishing of the divine image in us (e.g., pornography, intimacy in marriage, objectification of others, etc.); spiritual connectedness with God and others; strife and division.”

Whitehead, Darren. The Digital Fast: 40 Days to Detox Your Mind and Reclaim What Matters Most (pp. 56-57). (Function). Kindle Edition.

When I came home, I made a few commitments toward a more flourishing life:

1. I started to put my phone down from dinner time to bed time. I am at my best at home when my phone isn’t on me.

2. While in meetings, I leave my phone behind on my office desk.

3. I placed massive screen time limits on social and distracting apps. I have considered how much of a dumb phone I can create at this point.

4. I am working toward a whole new digital rhythm. Some days are better than others, but it is a work in progress!

I love what Darren Whitehead said in his book, The Digital Fast,

“The boundaries that protected your real life, which is time with your closest relationships, your most meaningful activities, and your God, are gone. No built-in boundaries of space or time to protect your life. Unless you build them.”

Jesus’ invitation is a life to the fullest, and I can’t imagine Him watching me stare at my phone while missing the moments He created me for.

The average American spends 5 hours a day on their phone – that is 76 full days a year, or 1,824 hours per year.

As I calculated, I realized that by the time my children turn 18 years old, I, as an average American, will have spent ~3.5 of those years on my phone.

I am choosing to be different.

I am choosing to be present.

I am choosing a healthier relationship with digital technology because it will positively impact every other area of my life.

WANT TO JOIN ME?

Consider a digital fast. 
Add screen-time limits. Turn of the notifications that you don’t need. Delete the unnecessary apps. Add purposeful frustration to your phone. Make your smart phone a lot dumber. It will be worth it!

View ideas for a digital fast and for healthy family habits related to technology here.