10 Years Into Our Marriage My Wife Said, “She Had Lost All Feelings For Me…

Dave Wilson

Dave Wilson

Co-Founder & Orion Lead Pastor

Fear and regret gripped my heart.

It choked out all hope that my marriage would survive.

My wife of 10 years had just told me she had lost all feelings for me and had little hope that her feelings could be rekindled.

What had happened?

How did we get here?

The week before, I would have told you our marriage was a 10 out of 10. On a fateful anniversary celebration she informed me that our marriage was a 0.5!

How could I be so clueless to the deadness of my wife’s heart?

Ever been there?

I was determined to win her back and get her number higher.

I was on a mission.

My first step was going to God! Yes, you heard me right. I started our marriage making sure He was first in my life, but somewhere along the way I left Him in the dust…along with my young wife. I had put all my energy into starting a church and into Detroit Lions players as their chaplain. My sole focus was to fulfill my dreams. I didn’t realize at the time that building the future would be pointless if God and Ann weren’t by my side.

Somehow OUR dreams had become MY dreams.

“God, I put you back in first place. That’s where you belong. I need your wisdom, guidance and help to win back Ann’s heart!”

I asked Jesus for power and He delivered.

Jesus tells some of His followers who had lost their first love to “Repent and do the things you did at first.” (Revelation 2:5)

The word “repent” means to change the way you are living and start a brand new life. Jesus makes it real clear what this new life looks like. He says to go back to what made you fall in love in the first place.

If you want the love you once had, do the things you once did.

I wasn’t pursuing Ann like I had when we first fell in love. I was pursuing my career and left Ann behind.

So I started dating her again…weekly. Yes, it’s possible. Whatever is really important to us shows up on our calendar. I realized that I could conquer the world, but if my wife didn’t love me, then I’ve accomplished nothing of true value.

To regain our love I started pursuing her again like when we first fell in love. We dated before we were married, so why not date after? It’s what couples in love do.

I rediscovered that Ann spells love this way…T.I.M.E. She feels so loved when I make time for her…consistently. So, I made her a top priority. And priorities come “prior” to everything else.

And man did that start to rekindle her feelings for me!

TAAALK

And guess what she wanted to do on those dates? You guessed it: talk.

Now she didn’t just want to talk about life or the kids. She wanted to taaalk about our marriage. I spell taaalk this way because she longed to talk in depth about us! Not exactly my dream date, but it wasn’t about me. It was about her feeling loved. So if she wants to taaalk about us, then I’m all in.

And guys, I discovered something fascinating about women…they don’t want us to fix their problems. I remember one time Ann began sharing how hard her days were as a mom with young kids. She felt that she never accomplished anything and was exhausted day after day. I listened for a minute and then went away for a few moments to figure out how to help her. I came back with a note that I had written. As I handed it to her, I could see her excitement. I found out later that she thought I had written her an encouraging love note about how much I appreciated all she did for our family. Instead, she found that I had written down 10 steps to a “more organized and productive life as a mom.”

I’m not kidding.

I actually wrote those down and told her that I had prayed and God gave me those for her. She promptly ripped up my 10 tips, threw them in my face, and marched out of the room, yelling, “And that was NOT from God!

Needless to say, I’ve learned that she doesn’t want me to solve her problems, but to be her partner in the middle of those problems. Just let her vent and step into the mess with her. That makes her feel loved. Who knew?

And here is a question that I began to ask on our dates, “On a scale of 1 to 10, what is our marriage right now?” I knew that she knew better than I how we were doing and that she also knew how to get us to a higher number.

I’m a competitive guy and I’ll do whatever it takes to get our marriage closer to a 10.

TOUCH

I also discovered that Ann feels loved when I touch her. The bummer for me was that she wasn’t talking about sexual touch, but non-sexual touch.

What in the world is non-sexual touch?

In a word, it’s affection. Holding her hand. Putting my arm around her shoulders. Rubbing her back, and only her back. I did all of those things when we were dating, yet the only time I touched Ann after marriage was when I wanted sex. That does not make a woman feel cherished!

Ann felt loved when I made TIME to TAAALK and TOUCH in an affectionate and tender way.

But there’s one more big action that brought her love back…TRUTH.

When we were dating I consistently initiated reading the truth of God’s Word together. We would pray on every date.

After marriage I just got lazy.

I led our congregation spiritually but got lazy at home.

When I began to pray daily with Ann, her feelings for me started to return.

I remember one evening as we finished praying, I looked over at Ann and she had this glint in her eye. She then grabbed my arm and said, “I want you to know that praying with you each night is the sexiest thing you could do for me.” She gave me a little wink.

It was right then and there that I decided that if this is how it works for my woman, then I’m going to become the most spiritual man you have ever met!

Oh…and she also said we are now a 9.8!

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Birmingham Campus

We are offering a time for our congregation to gather after the 10am service for prayer in the Groves Auditorium, 20500 W 13 Mile Rd, Beverly Hills, MI 48025.

On Sunday evening, Dec 5, parents of high school and middle school students are invited to the second half of our Edge gathering at Genesis Church, 309 N Main St, Royal Oak, MI 48067, at 6:15pm. We will have a breakout to equip parents in caring for themselves and processing pain with their children in times of tragedy.

Parents & Student Resources

Parents – self care is critical. It’s important to do your own processing with another adult so that you can be more present as your child processes. Here are tools that you can use to get you started.

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Counselors Are Needed After Tragedy

“The aftermath of the Oxford shooting tragedy will undoubtedly result in traumatic symptoms and experiences across our communities for quite some time. Healing the brain through evidence-based therapies is absolutely possible with clinical guidance. There is a valuable village of Trauma Therapists with collective resources standing by for Oxford, for both direct and secondary survivors to engage in therapy. Until then, we honorably hold a sacred space, as students, families, staff and school partners continue to mourn.” -Laura Azoni, LMSW, Founder of Sanctuary Services

Orion Campus

We believe that unity at this time is more important than ever. Several churches in the area are partnering together to offer space for students to begin the process of healing.

We will have several grief and trauma specialists on site this Sunday evening at our Orion Campus (4640 S Lapeer Rd Lake Orion, MI 48359) from 5-6:30pm and will have a night of prayer, worship and an opportunity for students to process with each other.

Tate Myre Funeral:
Monday, 12.6 Visitation 1 to 8pm
Tuesday, 12.7 Visitation 10-12pm and funeral at Noon

Clinton Township Campus

We will be offering a time for our congregation to gather after each service for a time of corporate prayer in the Greatroom. Prayer will be offered at 10:15 am and 12:15 pm. (25000 Hall Rd, Charter Twp of Clinton, MI 48036)

This Sunday at 3:30 pm as a community we want to gather, pray and mourn together. We are all looking for answers and wondering why tragedy happens but we can find hope and peace in Jesus. 

Troy Campus

Join us Sunday night, December 5th for a Community Prayer Vigil at Kensington Church at 6:00 pm. Invite friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers to come together for a time of hope and prayer. 

Following the Vigil, at 7:00 pm, there will be breakouts for students and for parents to process and be equipped in caring for themselves and those around in times of tragedy.

Marriage Classes

What grows marriages? Focusing on the two of you and being in community!
The Marriage Course includes seven sessions, designed to help couples invest in their relationship and build a strong marriage. Some couples do the course to intentionally invest in their relationship, others are looking to address more specific challenges. Either way, the course offers essential tools and practical ideas to help you build a relationship that lasts a lifetime. The Marriage Course is based on Christian principles but designed for all couples with or without a church background.

Please email marriage@kensingtonchurch.org with any questions.

Financial Peace University (FPU)

Financial Peace University (FPU) is a catalyst to help people live in financial freedom and enable them to have a posture of openhandedness. We have witnessed numerous Kensington families experience life change as a result of applying Biblical truths to their personal finances. The real blessing is seeing people create lives of margin that allow them to hear and respond to the Lord’s calling on their lives.

Please email discipleship@kensingtonchurch.org with any questions.

Bible Basics

Whether you are brand new to the Bible or have been reading it for decades, Bible Basics is a course that will help you understand the overall flow of the Bible. Over the course of several weeks, learn how the Bible came from the original writers to the English versions we have today. We’ll look at the big-picture story of the Bible and how all the individual books add to the whole. We’ll even learn a little about the history of the Jewish nation. But most of all, we’ll grow in our awe of the amazing author of this amazing book!

Please email discipleship@kensingtonchurch.org with any questions.

All Campus

Orion

Clinton Township

Alpha

What is my purpose? What value does the Bible have in my life? How do I pray? How can I grow in confidence to share my faith? These are the big questions that are at the heart of what it means to have a relationship with God. Alpha is a space to explore life’s big questions, to say what you think and to hear other people’s points of view. Over ten-weeks you will explore and discover while listening to weekly topics, participating in table discussion, and developing community. Alpha courses meeting in-person gather around a meal.

You don’t have to come for the whole series—just check it out for the first session and see what you think. No pressure.

Please email discipleship@kensingtonchurch.org with any questions.

All Campus

Orion

Troy

Clinton Township

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For additional questions, please contact giving@kensingtonchurch.org or call 248.786.0637

GROUP LEADER DEVELOPMENT

Together Again

updated June 23, 2021

It’s been life-giving to be in-person for our weekend services since last July when we reopened. If you haven’t yet, we invite you to join us in person sometime soon.

Reservations and ticketing have been discontinued at all our campuses.

Masks are optional at all services, events, and ministry gatherings for kids, students, and adults. We know that everyone needs to make the right health decisions for themselves and their family, so if you feel comfortable removing your mask, you may. And if you’d like to continue wearing a mask or face covering, you may do that as well. This is a personal choice that only you can decide what is best for yourself when attending in person at Kensington.

If you are sick, are experiencing COVID-19 symptoms, or have possibly been exposed to COVID-19, please plan to stay home and participate in our services via our many online streaming options.

At the start of the pandemic, Kensington’s Executive Team commissioned a group of staff members as a COVID Task Force to establish protocols and procedures for the safety of our church community. Thanks for sticking with us throughout all the changes and adjustments over the past 15 months.

We’re grateful to be together again!